Journalists, Cops, Infidels and Clowns: Fix this shit
From the dimly lit smoke filled room that is my office Im looking over my notes for the week and pacing in a Louis Black kind of froth. The calming sounds of Disturbed, Godsmack and Alice in Chains in the distance, Im so fucking charged I could mix paint. What. The. Hell. Talking through my teeth (yes I have more than one) chasing spoons full of instant coffee with a monster and reminding myself that however useless they are, killing the extra chromosome crowd is still frowned upon by this mongoloid society.
I was dragged kicking and screaming to this god forsaken “like minded circle jerk” that is Twitter just to see this??!?!?!?. Are you fucking kidding me??! As if I didnt have enough reason to stay home blackout my windows and clean my guns? who thought this was a good idea? hardly a news flash but @nickmaccombs is a giant fucking asshole. (lets see if that survives editing you prick)
1. For starters these bandwagon hopping blowhard *cough* tech journalists *cough* that keep surfacing to ride the wave of apprehended stating Barney Fife hopped a to and collected thought to be responsible for DDoS, Hack, or pastebin reference> and before you arrogant pseudo intellectual blowhards get your garanimals all up in your cracks, YES, the view is awesome from the cheap seats. either there is a form for this shit somewhere or I declare shenanigans.
As I dont claim to be a fucking journalist, it offers me the freedom to ask the simple question, what in the fuck possessed you to drink the bong water? tell your fucking editor to stick to covering the improved enhancements of AOL 249 or whatever version of failhard they are on now. And leave the tech to the people that abilities that reach beyond CTRL V and CTRL P
2. Law Enforcement. Please, PLEASE, PUHLEAAAAAAAAAAAASE release the applications for the warrants that you submitted. Laughter truly is a very healing thing, and with my current nausea and vein popping blood pressure, I could get a lot of mileage out of seeing it:
“according to jester, web ninjas, multiple tweets, and other similar credible sources, we have probable cause to believe that XXXX is involved in some lulzy activities that have a large portion of corporate america and systems administrators mailiciously butthurt….”
3. Sabu. save the obligitory copypasta Im not xxx, FINE your NOT the leader of LulzSec or Anonymous, but you appear to be the last influential man/woman/pokemon master standing and even though you have been suggested to be little more than a recruiting tool for some middle east terrorist campaign, I wish you would take a break from promoting this beast person and do something here.
The shrub has been pruned and the garden is dying. Your seizure like retweets are falling flat. No one is covering the high speed chases, no forms to fill out, all pads have remained unmolested, I havent been called anything fun in over a week, and well to be completely honest, your boring.
I personally could give 2 shits if you are hugo, xavier, Ash Ketchum or what the fuck ever your mom calls you. Either spring your boy from the hoosgow or find someone else to entertain us. Because my attention span is waning and without Topiary I find myself completely unable to find a single lulz anywhere.
4. J35t3r. Try harder. Sabu should send you boxes of fucking thank you cards, you have done more for the disinfo campaign than the hive could muster if every 7 year old out there fired up the spongebob commemorative vtech laptop and released their own dox. Your research is ridiculous. Loosly tied together with pipe cleaners and glitter. lets look at this.
a. I have listened to rap
b. I have referred to others as brother and sister.
c. I have used avatars that are sympathetic to one cause or another.
d. One time I even downloaded the theme song from Fraggle Rock illegally from a file sharing site.
Jesus Mary And Crucified Kittens! I have clearly been infiltrated, used and embedded with the mission of OBL. Awesome, surely I am on the no fly list, and now I will be relegated to riding some flea ridden burro everywhere I go. Thanks a lot fag.