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Kilgore Trout, you sir are NOT my hero

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Kilgore, Grab an adult, a dictionary and fresh sippy cup.We might be a here a little while. Fear not, I will type slow.

While we wait for Kilgore to get a new pull-up, those of you who may be unaware, I will provide a little back-story.

Yesterday (7/16/11) some disillusioned inbreed calling himself Kilgore Trout, vomited some poorly constructed post on Chronicle.su, making lulzy claims that I am Topiary, and that this entire site (totallyfalse.info) is a Psy-Op campaign born of the collective(s) known as Lulzsec and Anonymous. All of this appears to be born (unconfirmed) of a reference from an article published by CNet News that appeared unable to distinguish that previous posts that should have been completely obvious were in fact a complete and total parody of some of the twitter trolls that have all claimed to have dox on Sabu. It hurts me to have to make the following statement but “For those of you that may have missed it, or are still confused, IT WAS FAKE!!.

Subsequently, th3j35t3r in a co-op with a few other individuals (or burner alts) claimed to have finally found the real creds. I spent some time going over the evidence, and as authentic as the trail appeared to be, and as exhaustive as the research appeared to be, I had serious questions about the authenticity. So in retort, I posted: Sabu Or is it? Within hours of said post, I start getting a significant increase in traffic (thank you) so I proceed to check it out and found my way back to the Chronicle post.

With us yet Kilgore? Excellent, lets proceed.

My self-appointed role as the guidance counselor to the window licking segment of our population mandates that I point out a few of your shortcomings here in hopes of fostering a nurturing environment that allows bad trolls get better through care, feeding and training. That being said Mr/Mrs Trout, put down your bowl of lead based paint chips, stop asking who took your baseball, get your crayons and begin taking some notes. I will provide links for search terms longer than 4 letters. Pro-Tips for Failing less: First and foremost, If you are going to post on Chronicle.su, learn to spell Chronicle or maybe look in to spell check. There is a little thing on the interwebs called WHOIS, its a very simple tool that is readily available to everyone.

Pro Tip –>Google is your friend. And when your inability to spell or construct a proper sentence occurs, it will even ask if you meant something else. If the twitter account attached to the site (totallyfalse.info) is being displayed chances are thats probably the person who is responsible for the content on the blog/website. (see tip #2) if you cant figure out who the account belongs to refer to tip #3. And once you do, perhaps asking that person directly if your too lazy to do the leg work. If its attention you seek, or you need to feel important, perhaps you could ask your parents to adopt a puppy, they don’t care that your an illiterate, mouth breathing degenerate and they are surprisingly forgiving when you peel off a glue sniffing diatribe about things that you wont understand until your attention span grows beyond the span of time it takes for Barney to tell you he loves you too. Samefagging a comment as BarrettBrown DOES NOT help your cause. If your looking for someone to substantiate your claims or lend you some credibility, I recommend using your something more relevant like Billy Pilgrim. Now, that should be a good foundation to get you started on your quest to achieve minimal faggotry, but just in case you burn all your time on looking up the bigger words or getting distracted by shiny stuff, Im going to make this easy for you: Twitter:@nickmaccombs Website: http://www.totallyfalse.info (the URL kind of gives it away) Another Pro-Tip. I am NOT a member of, or affiliated in any way, with LulzSec, Anonymous, or your fan club. But if you take this lesson, apply it, and make a concerted effort to improve, you may one day elevate your status to a point that I might be willing to walk across the street to piss on you if you were on fire. I’m afraid this has to be the end of our time here, there are far too many other newfags, failtrolls, and waterheads that require my attention. Your welcome, class dismissed..

Kilgore says: July 17, 2011 at 3:13 pm Cronical is a natural corruption of Chronicle that I have come to embrace. You’re the first person to attack me with grammarfaggotry. Notice how when I mean to say “you are” I use the contraction “you’re” rather than the possessive form. Take note. Keep up the good work, and I may continue to send you free traffic.

superme says: July 17, 2011 at 3:18 pm Your Welcome Reply

Topiary says: July 17, 2011 at 6:55 pm I actually liked Kilgore’s piece more than this.

Nick says: July 18, 2011 at 5:39 pm His chan-ese is better than mine.

Your welcome says: July 18, 2011 at 12:11 am I want my welcome!

Abby says: July 18, 2011 at 10:30 am Love it!! To the point, articulate, and interesting

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Written by ohaiguize

August 4, 2011 at 11:40 am

Posted in Twitter/Facebook

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